This article was originally published in Turkish on HBR Türkiye, in Jun 2021. View Turkish version here.
If you grew up in the 80s like me, you probably remember how scary the word “failure” was during that time. Nowadays, failure is no longer such a taboo word due to generational differences, faster-paced working models, and the rise of a new dynamic business world. In fact, failure has become such an embraced concept, we organize summits where we explain our mistakes and failures. In the past, failure was the last thing we wanted to talk about in a job interview.But now, leaders tell failure stories without hesitation. Failure has even become one of the most common themes used for storytelling in the business world. By openly discussing topics such as fragility, failure, and self-compassion, we are able to foster a more whole work life.
For example, I recently took part in Özyeğin University's Failure Summit. While I was preparing my speech, my life flashed before my eyes, and details that I had not remembered for a long time resurfaced. I met with my failures head on and spent a few compassionate hours reflecting on memories that had once made me very sad. I wouldn't have believed it if I had been told that one day I would be openly sharing the stories that made me feel so unsuccessful. So, what has changed that has made leaders talk about their failures so freely? The answer is clear. The definition of leadership has changed, and so too have our relationships with leaders. The leader who used to give commands with an authoritarian attitude from atop the food chain is now one of us. The leader also has disappointments, failures, ups and downs. It is important to remember that leaders are people too.
So where are these leaders now? They too are in the midst of a pandemic, with all of the same stressors, mood swings, and need for compassion. However, a courageous leader needs to regulate their emotions while maintaining their professionalism. Showing weakness in a world that prioritizes power is a real act of courage. Brene Brown's book "Dare to Lead" covers this idea as well, focusing on the concept of “vulnerability”. According to Brown, being willing to be vulnerable is a prerequisite for being a courageous leader. A good leader must be able to show courage without hiding their failures and weaknesses. In this way, they can bond with their team and create a culture based on authenticity, trust, and compassion. During this pandemic period, when most of us are working remotely and struggling with various anxieties and concerns, isn't this kind of attitude exactly what we need?Not only do teams need this, but so do the leaders themselves. This allows for a much better work-life balance.
So how does a successful leader open themselves up emotionally while simultaneously guiding, motivating, and inspiring their team?
All major organizations and governments need energetic and hopeful leaders to guide their people on the right path. Therefore, it is not enough to associate a courageous leader only with the ability to empathize and share emotions. We must break down courage into two types. The first is the courage to admit one’s vulnerabilities and apologize for their mistakes. In other words, being able to show compassion to oneself and others without succumbing to one’s own ego. The second is the courage to lead the masses, provide vision and inspiration, and make difficult decisions, even if they may be risky, especially in times of crisis. In this regard, being a leader is all about balancing responsibility with self-confidence in order to drive change.
I wish it was as easy to do these things as it is to write them. Perhaps the most difficult element here is figuring out how to balance both types of courage. We can also associate these two styles through feminine and masculine archetypes. When we think of feminine energy, which is governed by the right brain, we think of empathy, emotionality, understanding, and devotion. Masculine energy, on the other hand, is considered to be the more assertive side. We may say that someone who is more result-oriented, resolute , and makes risky decisions has high masculine energy. This is not about being a man or a woman. Everyone has both energies, but your archetype is determined by which one you use the most. A leader who can balance their feminine and masculine sides has managed to internalize both styles of courage.
Earlier I said that leaders are people too. For me, a courageous leader is one who listens to their heart, makes their voice heard, follows what they believe, and is not afraid of failure. Or, it is the leader who falls down and gets up again. After all, how can a leader achieve success without taking risks and being courageous?